our cab driver is having phone sex.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
