How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
