Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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