Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
