i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
