Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
