well I can't set my house on fire every night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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