question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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