i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
