What did we do last night that was yellow?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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