allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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