I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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