not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
