also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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