I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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