A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
