It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
