Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
