those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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