When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize