guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
