Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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