Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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