your room smells of hookers.
And success
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
