She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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