I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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