My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
