His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
