his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
