remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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