So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Green mimosas i think yes
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
