Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
