the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
