Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
