We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
