by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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