I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
