We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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