He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
