the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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