She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
