Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just want nice things and good sex
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize