Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
