Define "chronic" masturbator.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
