i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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