Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
