If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
