Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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