you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
