Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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