Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
