so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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