So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
