literally had 100 drinks last night.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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