What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
