i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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