My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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