The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
