Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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