so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
