No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
