I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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