so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
