It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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