no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
