plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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