had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize