My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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