she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
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she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
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I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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