I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
