But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
