Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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