just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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