just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize
