Dude my mom stole all your condoms
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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