Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
