dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
