smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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