Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
