Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
