We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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