I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have fence marks all over my body
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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