Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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