If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Two words: blizzard sex
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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