Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
