I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
