PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
