I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
