I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize